I’m sitting here stuck in the Dallas Airport because of another friggin’ American Airlines delay. I try so hard not to take American Airlines but they’re the only airline that gets me out early…or supposedly. My girlfriend asked me why I always fly out a day before I’m supposed to be anywhere…”isn’t it a waste of time?” I wish I didn’t have to but the reality nowadays is that I might not make it that same day. I can’t believe how awful air travel has become.

You sign up online for a flight and it’s like playing the lottery and the odds are really against you. I literally have a better chance of getting hit by lightning twice than getting on my scheduled flight anymore. Most of the people traveling remind me of scenes from “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. Everyone talking to themselves in low grumbles, barely audible, cursing like they have turrets. Even the people who have turrets look healthy in this environment. It’s getting pathetic. You smile and say hi to someone…especially in the South and someone wants to rip your head off. So much for southern hospitality!

I got on my plane and was squished against the window…the seat was built inside the window I think because when I sat down my shoulder hit the window and my head hit the top of it. I’m not the tallest person, actually midgets talk down to me…o.k. not really but I thought it was funny. The problem is that midgets would have a real problem in this seat. A couple of minutes went by and no one showed up at the seats next to me and I was hoping no one would…but those hopes were dashed when a man about 350lbs with shoulders as wide as mine waddled on up to the seat next to mine.

As he sat down next to me I tried to embed myself into the window…but I was much too large. This guy was literally lowering himself down into his seat, I was waiting for the beep…beep…beep noise to start coming out of him. As he stuffed himself into his seat he decided it was a good idea to spread his elbows out across the armrest…I am already swished against the window…so I had to say something.

I asked if he could move his fat arm off of mine and his answer in a very calm tone was…absolutely not! So I waited a few minutes to see if he would move it and he did not, instead he started sweating on me. Now I’m no expert on bacteria but when some fat person is sweating on you it’s pretty friggin’ disgusting…I don’t care who you are.

I pressed the flight attendant call button to get some help here and no lie, a women in a flight attendant uniform came over that was as old as Joan Rivers, looked like the now deceased Redd Foxx and weighed more than the guy sitting next to me.

I knew then that this was going to be a long flight

I asked if I could be moved because the guy next to me was literally sweating on me…and I showed her the disgusting sweat that was on my arm and elbow. She told me that the flight was full and that I should have booked something in First Class. Does American Airlines hire people with absolutely no social skills on purpose or are they just scrapping the bottom of the job pool for flight attendants?

I read a post the other day about fat, ugly flight attendants and the blog author quoted that the US Airways flight attendants that saved everyone when the plane crashed in the Hudson were all over fifty. I believe that’s fine but when you are too fat to get out of your own way or when your hips are wider than the aisle, it’s time to find some new work or “get your hips a little narrower” then the aisle.