Maybe you hate exercise.

Maybe you love it.

The truth is – it doesn’t matter all that much. Not if you want to get into the best shape of your life!

Seriously, you think I’m off my rocker, don’t you. Just hang in there for a second and read the rest of this:

MTV calls and asks me if I would want to train a college freshman for their hit show MADE. The producer explained to me that I would need to come up with a program that could take 30 or so pounds off of the girl in the next 4-6 weeks. I almost Sh** myself.

I wasn’t going to put my reputation on the line and look like an idiot in front of millions of viewers. So I decided to do the show and train the girl. I explained that if she was indeed going to take off 30 lbs in thirty days that it was going to be the hardest thing she has ever done in her life. If she wasn’t willing to give it her all, than I couldn’t help her. I can give her all the workouts in the world but if she didn’t follow them, then not only couldn’t I help her but nothing could.

This is where you and almost everyone looking for a solution to their weight problems get it wrong. There is nothing in the world that will change your life, not a piece of equipment, not a diet, not a personal trainer, not a workout…nothing will do the work for you. You need to take action. YOU can only make YOUR life better. I can give you the tools but if you don’t take action and incorporate it into your life than what good is it?

Kristine Kauffman did the work and experienced incredible results. Watch it here: MTV MADE Are you done making excuses? Are you going to take action? Are you going to finally get the dream body you’ve always wanted?

You don’t have to like exercise to have the body you’ve always dreamed of. You just need the desire to take action. Imagine that.

I have been asked to be on a very fun and entertaining show called “The Sandee & Clint Show” on Chicago’s WKRS 1220 AM every other Friday. The next time I’ll be on is Friday , May 23, 2008 at 1:35pm . Here’s a link to this week’s download:

http://askroccobootcamp.com/Press/WKRS_Sandee_Clint_Show_50908.mp3

Imagine if you will, me, sitting in the waiting room of my doctor’s office wasting the good part of another gray and rainy day here in good old Cincinnati. Side note: I’m kind of surprised there aren’t more suicides here, like Seattle. There I am, waiting for the nurse to call my name so my doctor can tell me not to come back for another 15 years like the idiot always does. I am not ill or contagious with anything I just make an appointment every year on or around my birthday to get a physical. I started this ritual back when I was 33 because I had to get something called “Key Man” insurance for my company askROCCO Media. In case some hateful fat person decided to “whack me” me my investors wouldn’t sign the papers without it. So there I am waiting, listening to the best of the Bee Gees and Olivia Newton John. I guess that’s supposed to be calming but all it did was make me want to jump out of my chair and strangle some little annoying rug rat and his mother.

Now the reason for strangulation was not actually the annoying tapping or throwing of the “BaBa”, no I can handle unruly behavior, shit!, I’m the King of it. No, strangulation is a very well thought out form of homicide as well as a harsh way to go. So, if I’m contemplating strangling someone it better be rich.

The “BaBa” throwing kid’s mother is conversing with the nurse about how hard it is to keep her kid, who can’t be more than 3 years old, from gaining weight. That it is too difficult to go to work each day…this is what I’m listening to…work 8 hrs, cook, clean, walk the dog, pay bills, shop, and a host of other things that were laughable. She was literally too busy to make sure that her 3 year old, that’s right 3 “F**kin’” year old child, had healthy food. She’s too busy to cook for him. He’s 3 years old, how much food is he consuming, tell me…a side of beef, maybe he ingesting small puppy’s that visit the backyard. How much? I probably shit more than he weighs. So it can’t be that much. What is she feeding him that he weighs nearly 30 pounds more than he should? I don’t even know how much 3 year olds weigh anymore, 20 lbs, 25 lbs. She gotta be feeding him “Hot Pockets” by the truckload! …So this kid weighs nearly 50 lbs…the size of a small woolly Mammoth at 3 years old and his mother can’t control his eating. Did I tell you, this kid’s 3 years old. What parent in their right mind can’t control the eating habits of a 3 year old? Is the fast food fairy coming in and serving up juicy flame broiled junior whoppers to our little friend. Is he getting them served his way? Who is this elusive fairy, I want a piece of her (or him depending on how you roll) too.

If you can’t find the time to make sure your child, whom you bore and gestated for almost 10 months, than you need to rip out every last sexual organ you have left. Or cut the penis off the man who is not helping you, because you need not procreate…EVER. This is a travesty that children who cannot take care of themselves are left to die horrible, ill stricken, embarrassing deaths because their idiotic parents didn’t have the time or wherewithal to care about the health and welfare of their child. Make no mistake allowing your child to get fat is CHILD ABUSE and should be punishable as such.

Lawmakers again, get your heads out of your ass and start mandating that parents actually become responsible for the children they bring into the world. Maybe the children can grow up healthy and not place such a burden on the already obliterated health care system.

“Do these tan lines make me look fat?”

I just finished working out and I remembered that the agent that works at my complex told me that they were getting a brand new tanning bed. Every “Tan” bunny was so excited and giddy with anticipation. I’m not a big fan of tanning beds, one because all the girls I see using them that are twenty look 40 and I like being 43 and looking 30 something. So obviously I’m as white as a diaper and on more than one occasion I could swear that milk was darker than me but self deprecating humor was not the topic of my post. The point I am so skillfully avoiding is that I have this crazy nuance about reading everything in my path. I’m the only guy I know that reads instructions for products where assembly is required and I’m that guy who reads every sign in the museum, or historical trail. You can’t get me out of The Met in under 6 hours…so don’t even try.

So when I checked out the Brand spanking new tanning bed (basically so I could say I got to see it) I noticed a brand new sign to go along with it. I tried to avert my eyes but to no avail. I started reading and you could hear that sucking sound of ROCCO’s brain soaking up every word…it’s not a pretty sound. I read every line item in the Rules for Tanning Bed Use. I started feeling authorized to be able to tan. I think I was getting bronze the more I read…nope… still white as a diaper.

There it was, rule number 10: Manufacturer recommends no one over 300 lbs use this unit. I read it in black and white: If you’re fat you can’t use this machine. Now I want to know why The National Association for the Acceptance of Fat People isn’t calling this company’s CEO, suing them, calling them discriminatory, and protesting outside the workout room in my complex or sending hate mail to me on behalf of all the other fat people in America.

Airlines get hammered because they want their passengers to feel comfortable without having to push overflowing fat off of their arm rest. Car companies get sued because people are too fat to drive their own cars and they have accidents. Fast food restaurants are to blame for making their food too damn tasty. So why the hell isn’t the tanning bed company being sued for placing weight restrictions on occupant use. I demand congress hold a special session to find the culprits in this mess now that they’ve put this whole “steroids in baseball” thing to rest.

Maybe I’m over thinking this, maybe I don’t realize that fat people don’t use tanning beds, maybe, just maybe we’ll find out just like congress did that no one really gives a shit, who tans and who doesn’t tan and how much that “Tan” Bunny weighs.

Over the years I’ve discovered that the faster I want to burn fat the shorter I want my workouts to be. It is this philosophy that drove me to Hill Training. I stumbled upon Hill training when I was boxing in my youth. I was running nearly 10 miles a day and was bored out of my mind, not to mention I was putting so much time in an not getting the desired result: fat loss. I wanted to shorten my workouts and still get the same benefits or better. I tried experimenting with sprint work and interval training which worked wonders but a track coach at my school suggested I incorporate Hills into my workout. You’re probably not familiar with Ridgefield, NJ or Ridgefield Memorial High School but it sits at the foot of a beautiful winding hill called “Major Stocum Drive”. This hill would become my unrelenting nemesis for years to come. The more I trained on it the more it would mock me. I had been running everyday at least 10 miles a day on average and one set of “Interval Hills” kicked my ass. My legs felt like they were going to explode, my lungs where no longer inside my chest cavity (or so I thought) and I think my heart escaped while I was puking.

Although I did a bunch of strength related exercises at the gym such as squats, leg presses, leg extensions and curls I never felt the power that I was able to get from contracting my muscles against gravity in a sustained fashion. What seemed magical was with this Hill Training I was able to take some time off and still not lose my fitness gains and it helped to make my tendons and ligaments stronger as well. The side effect of this intense training was an extreme drop in body fat. With the increased workload in shorter spurts I was actually expended more calories than during my many hours of running. As I later found out my body had adapted to the sustained repetitive workload of the running and became efficient at using the energy required to propel me on my journey. Hill Training created “chaos” in my energy systems and the increased workload expended more calories. It was totally win-win.

Some workouts that I did to incorporate Hill Training into my program:

Interval Hills: This is pretty basic but it kicks your ass all the same. Warm up for about six – eight minutes either on a bike or take a short jog before you hit the hills. Try a small degree incline at first and gradually make your way to a steeper one. Each hill climb interval should be minimum 45 seconds in length. Stop at 45 turn around and make your way back down the hill walking. Rest about 30 or so seconds and run that hill again. Repeat until you feel you can’t continue or you puke.

Treadmill Hills: In the unfortunate circumstance that you live in a place like Indiana where I think the only hills you will encounter are speed bumps, than you may have to resort to using a treadmill. Warm-up for six to eight minutes. When you’re sufficiently warmed up set the grade of incline at between 10 and 15 degrees. Run at 45 second bursts on the incline and lower for 90 seconds and increase the incline. Repeat until your body tells you to stop.

Downhill Training: Most individuals place emphasis on the uphill workouts for power and strength but Downhill Training helps to build stability at the knee and hip joints. Just the act of keeping your balance while running down a hill will place great demands on your legs. This also increases stress on your lower quads and calf muscles (specifically, the gastrocnemius).

You don’t want to sprint down the hill but run with the natural pace of the hill. Your strides should always be smooth and not choppy (as if you were braking with your feet). Braking can cause impact injuries to your quads and knee joints. Walk up the hill for about 100 or so yards turn around and run down the hill. Walk back up and repeat this 5 times. Increase as you see fit. Downhill training should be done once a week.

Overloading your body with this type of exercise places great demands on your energy and fat stores which in turn burns more fat and calories. Add this training into your workout when you have the need to cut your body fat exponentially. Until next time, Attitude is everything.

Rocco Castellano is the founder of askROCCO Media, which provides boot camps, seminars, media content and online fitness services at askROCCO.com. He is certified by the National Academy of Sports Medicine and has written “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” available at bookstores everywhere.